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Memoirs of a Fan
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26th-Apr-2015 12:38 am - Rendezvous Fate reviewer
desolate
So... today I got an unexpected review, from a fic I wrote decades ago... unfortunately the reviewer doesn't allow PMs in FF.N and the review was very nice and unexpected so I wanted to at least in part write back here, in LJ even if trngmy never sees this post.

Before that, I would like to share the review of Rendezvous with Fate here:

trngmy"s wonderful reviewCollapse )

Soo, I just wanted to say thanks for the review! It really means a lot especially since I wrote this such a long time ago, it was initially based off a book that I read and then I had to go back and re-write the beginning parts so that it was really distinct and not a copy of the book with new names on it.

On the part that you were hoping for a longer part when Akane was already "Akane" unfortunately, during that time, it had already been years since I started the fic, and it was already a struggle writing it. The fic is already 500,000 ++ words as it was, and though I would ahve loved to ramble on and on about the world, I thought 10 years + 500,000 words was enough for Rend to end. While I do know that Ranma and Akane as they were would ahve been good to write, I was running out of ideas and at that point I hadn't watched/read Ranma in a while to proplerly write it as fanfiction, and that probably lead to the feeling that the relationship was more underdeveloped as Ranma and Akane and not Akane-in-Kodachi.

As for writing another Medieval Japan story, while research is easier now than it was when I was writing this (you have no idea how many books I had to go to to get Feudal Japanese history for this story to just flow as it is) I am now a complete graduate of the University (for... quite some time now) and there are no good city libraries in my country, so research will be difficult other than the few resources that you can find in the net. Hello Wikipedia.

If you meant writing more RanmaxAkane, again unfortunately, It's been a while since I've watched/read the show. And while Ranma has been my first love, and introduced me to fanfic writing, it has been a while, and I can't get into their headspace anymore.

I have progressed to writing DeanXCas XD and though that is the first and probably last slash pairing that I am ever going to write, I am still having fun with them. Although I am writing I am writing very slowly nowadays because I am actively in fellowship (it's a training program for doctors, and it eats time like you wouldn't believe).

Also, I am not a native english speaker and a natural introvert. So... it's very difficult for me to find beta-readers and I really need them to look over technical aspects of the language. I'm pretty sure Rend is filled with technical English errors that are... well there. I had pre-readers for it, but over the 10 year course of writing it, I had several changes of pre-readers and it shows. Plus a lot of the pre-readers lose interest after the first few chapters, especially since I write very sporadically. I'm very thankful to those who stuck through started from finish to the end.

Again, thank you for writing! And Rend has given me so many friends over the years, really. It is unfortunate that fandom is a really fickle world and I have actually lost track of a lot of them over the years, but yeah growing up, a lot of my internet friends were from rend. I was from an age of the FFML, and I hate discussion boards (I still very much do) so yeah. In any case! Hopefully you see this somehow!
destiel
This is actually a Supernatural realization and not in anyway a DC one, so if you're here for DC... I suggest moving on. Haha. It just spirals a bit into the DC realizations for a minute or two.

Dean has an uncanny love for Batman. And I agree wholeheartedly. I am a Batman fan. There's something about his humanity, his struggle with the darkness that's very real. I love Batman becuase he has good family ties (which is sometimes a bit fucked up, but who doesn't? I mean look at him with Damien, Jason, Dick and Tim he has so many cared for kids haha), he has this overarching duty to his city and he loves his cars. Hmmm... so yes, I can understand why Dean personifies with Batman there. Except for the billionaire part in the Billionaire Playboy, Dean shares many many qualities with his hero.

Plus.... Dean in Season 03x03 says: I'm Batman! (bwahahahaha)

Which leads me to... Cas. Because I am a Cas fan, and always will be. Let me say that I am not a Superman fan. (It's not that a hate the guy) but basically the All American Hero from Kansas lure probably doesn't extend a lot to Asian girls in the middle of nowhere. I do understand the allure tho. But... I stumbled into this meta of Superman which got me thinking. See that article said that a lot of writers who tackle Superman try to take away his powers so that they make his story new, not realizing that in the heart of all that, Superman has never been about power, Superman is looked up to becuase of the moral dilemma he poses. Given all these superpowers, given a bad situation how does one act to save humanity. It's the ethical and moral code that drives all of his fans, not just the super powers. Which brings me around to... Cas... becasue as I said, I am a Cas fan and this is a Supernatural realization.

Why is Cas Superman? Well, in this parallelism, Cas has superpowers and they do have the same things... buuut well gosh Points out to Season 6x02 (The Man who Would be King):

CASTIEL: Superman going to the dark side. I'm still just Castiel.
DEAN: I guess we can put away the Kryptonite, right?

Yeah... Dean is Batman, but it's pratically canon that Cas is Superman.

Because Castiel was never meant to be a character that was more than one season long, and becuase he was an all powerful angel, the entire superpowered angels, again, gave the writers a very difficult conundrum. Having an all powerful being that could always save the Winchesters from trouble made for a very dull show. Which is why in every season post the Kripke arc, they have de-powered Cas, given him amnesia, ripped off his wings, given him a grace-fuelled immune disorder (okay that's non-canonical and just my own headcanon of the effects of Theo and Adina's grace of which could be read fully here), and forcefully set him apart from the boys.

But the entire meta on Superman's powers gave me an aha! moment. Samandiriel got it right when he told Dean: Castiel's main problem has always been too much heart. Much like Superman in this entire convoluted train of thought that I have, Castiel isn't precious becuase of his powers, because of his grace. He is loved because of his heart. Because of the ethical dilemmas that he has. A lot of the powerful storylines that involved Castiel wasn't about his powers, it had been the ethical dilemmas that he faced.

See:

One of the most quoted lines in Castiel fandom Season 04x07 (The Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester): I'm not a hammer, I have doubts.

The entire working together with Crowley.

The entire helping Metatron.

Culminating with: Taking grace from Theo becuase of his lack.

Castiel is loved because of his heart. It doesnt mean that he always gets it correct. But, he's faced with these ethical choices, and that's what makes his character compelling. Not becuase of his grace. Not because of his powers.

So yeah. Oh... and don't get me into the parallelisms of the Bruce/Clark, Dean/Castiel dynamic. Please. I stumbled into Superbat QUITE by accident last August 2014. I still don't read a lot of fanfics of that genre, like I've only read one or two, because mostly I find it difficult to read Bruce Wayne's voice in fanfic writing... but yeah. Seriously. It's a complete bafflement to me why no one has put that entire parallelism in fic. I swear.

Which is probably why... in my next fic there will be these lines cropping up somehwere:

“Nooo… if Dean's Batman, Cas is Superman!”

“I get it, man. I kinda agree with you there. I totally ship Bruce/Clark.”

*grin*
3rd-Feb-2015 12:50 pm - [Meta] Castiel's Grace
poison
Most people who watch Supernatural up to Season 10, listen endlessly to videotapes of their conventions, living viariously through others, and read interviews and the like, know that:



1) Castiel was never meant to revive from the smiting of Raphael. Therefore...

2) The writers didn't know how to deal with a largely powerful being with the Winchesters, which could take on even demons at their beck and call. So Castiel had to be away from the Winchesters, and the Winchesters can have their own thing. That and they try to depower him as much as possible. Therefore...

3) Castiel has been close to human before... case in point Season 5. In the alternate future of Zachariah, the 'Endverse,' as most fans call it, Cas was very human (or as close to human as he could possibly be) and he was never dying. He was just trying to get used to his grace, and he was filling his grace shaped hole with booze, drugs, and sex.



That being said... flashforward to Season 10 and we have a slowly dying Castiel and it looks like it's because he stole grace, right? But if the grace that's inside him is just being used up, then why is he getting sicker and sicker? I mean if it was just him losing grace, he'd go back to being human, just like in Endverse or maybe large parts of Season 5.

So we can assume that it's really not because of the grace diminishing. But, if it's not because of the diminishing grace, then why does his symptoms improve when he gets more grace?

Okay, here's my theory on this entire grace thing, and it's going to sound medical so bear with me. (Because I had this realization while studying Immunology XD)

It's sort of like Castiel had a severe allergy to another angel's grace. More specifically, he exhibits what looks like Graft vs. Host Disease, wherein a donor organ (or in this case, donor grace) is being rejected vehemently by Cas' own grace.

I believe that Theo's grace when Castiel absorbed it act as an antigen, (a foreign body), sensitizing Castiel's immune system (which is probably his grace). His grace, now sensitized, is confused at the entire self vs nonself and just wants to take this foreign grace out, so it attacks both the borrowed grace and the vessel.

Graft vs Host disease is why when you transplant an organ, you give the patient something that would decrease the patient's immune system (this is called an immunosuppresant) so that his immune system wouldn't fight off the new organ. It's a very intricate balance between lowering the immune system enough to accept the new organ, and not shutting it down completely so that it can still fight infections. This is also why whenever we do transplant we try to make the organ as "close" as possible to the patient. So the best donors are twins, followed by first degree relatives relatives, down the line.

So because of that whenever Cas gets infused with new grace, (this time Adina's grace),it acted as an immunosuppressant, suppressing his own failing and confused grace, plus yeah... gives him the power of new grace. Therefore he feels better, but as the boost goes down, his grace actively tries to fight this foreign grace off again, and he feels worse.

So in any case, that entire lecture, was brought about because of me thinking of why dwindling grace would be bad for Cas. This actually sprouted fic writing, which I have not finished yet, but will probably finish in March. If I finish that fic, which I hope I will, becuase gah

It was started and conceptualized and written while I was studying for my specialty boards, which included Immunology. T_T ugh And because I've been trying to think why Cas is so sick now, when he wasn't really sick when he was human back in season 4-5.

Thanks for reading! Thoughts! Violent reactions! Comment box below. XD
destiel
Title: Pies, Rings, and Heavenly Things
Author:ice_of_dreams
Fandom:Supernatural
Genre: Gen with Destiel on the side. Divergent of S09x09 Holy Terror;Alternate Canon of Season 9
Pairing(s): Dean/Castiel
Rating: Teen and Up
Word Count: 5,645

This is a ficlet in the same setting as Gates of Bronze and Bars of Iron, however you don't need to read that to understand the fic.

[Things that are spoilery for Gates of Bronze, but you need to know if you"re not reading that before this fic:]This is set in a future time where everyone is dead and in Heaven including Gabriel and Raphael. Also, Lucifer's Cage could be accessed in Heaven. Finally all of Heaven is referred to with a capital H, individual heavens on the other hand, are not capitalized.

Thanks to The Hope Lionswho looked it over for readability. I'm so sorry for the capitonyms.

You may hover for the Enochian.



Cas has been acting strangely, dragging Dean around Heaven trying to cook—and in the process demolish—Dean"s kitchen.Collapse )
destiel
Title: Gates of Bronze and Bars of Iron
Author:ice_of_dreams
Fandom:Supernatural
Genre: Gen with Destiel on the side. Divergent of S09x09 Holy Terror;Alternate Canon of Season 9
Pairing(s): Dean/Castiel
Rating: Teen and Up
Word Count: 75,511
Warnings: [Click to open for warnings that are possibly spoilery?]Major Character Death (it's done in Heaven, Dean is dead), usage of original lines, language, contains some original characters, an entire reinterpretation of angel lore that may be considered blasphemy by some, tinkering with the creation myth, canon-type Hell gore.

** The Major Character Death refers to Dean, he's already in Heaven at the start of the fic. This is for a DCBB, it has been called Gen by my betas but can be viewed as Dean/Cas if you squint (canon type squinting needed). Romance is definitely not the focus of the fic.**


Spoilers up to S09x09 but with intermittent references of season 9. The entire First Blade arc does not exist.

Summary:
Dean realizes that staying in Heaven and catching endless fish isn't living up to its hype. Especially since the gates of Heaven are still closed and there are no angels to guide you in the hereafter.

Castiel is surviving Earth, fallen and human, until a reaper brings his attention to a hunt forcing him to seek out his fallen brothers.


The fifth angel sounded his trumpet, and I saw a star that had fallen from the sky to the earth. The star was given the key to the shaft of the Abyss. Revelation 9:1

ARTPOST: here By bluesyundertone






AO3 || FF.N

Chapter  1  Baptism
Chapter  2  Rebirth
Chapter  3  The Transfiguration
Chapter  4  The Visitation
Chapter  5  The Ascension
Chapter  6  The Scourging
Chapter  7  The Presentation
Chapter  8  Agony in the Garden
Chapter  9  The Assumption
Chapter 10 Finding in the Temple
Chapter 11 The Annunciation
Chapter 12 The Descent of the Spirit
Chapter 13 Carrying of the Cross
Chapter 14 The Proclamation of the Kingdom

Timestamp Post Chapter 14 Pies, Rings, and Heavenly Things

Glossary
Extended Author's Notes
9th-Oct-2014 02:22 am - Thoughts on Supernatural S10e01
destiel
I am a Castiel fan. Saying that, I do not understand what's happening in the writers' mind when the started out Season 10 for Cas's storyline? Maybe its to ruthlessly shut down Destiel shippers, because they think we're getting out of hand... but... seriously?

[A bit of a summary of episode 1 for those who haven"t watched but seriously still want to read my thoughts on it.]For those who haven't watched Episode 1, Cas and Sam are now hunting Dean, they're separated. While that happens, Cas is sick because of him losing his grace (circa his first loss of grace, he's really weak) and he's in some dingy apartment in a blue bathrobe recovering. Sam does call Cas up, but realizing that Cas is sick, tells him to get better and hangs up. But then Hannah comes and asks for Cas's help, ignoring Cas not having grace and asks him to drive her around hunting for two rogue angels.

While I do like Dean's storyline, because hey, what's there not to like about demon!dean, other than him being mouthy, not really caring if what he's saying hurts and is completely violent, gosh couldn't they have given Cas a better storyline?

Barring that, I know that Sam didn't want to drag Cas with him looking for Dean, because obviously, Cas was sick from his grace missing. Effectively, he's an angel in grace withdrawal again, compared to fully human fallen!Cas from the start of season 9. But! Couldn't Sam taken Cas along for the ride, or like given him a room in the bunker at least?

Cas as a human already was living in the back of the gas'n'sip, so how could he magically procure money for living accommodations now that he is sick?

And for all of that, sticking Cas with Hannah? I mean they gave him his own storyline, in Season 9, the entire Bartholomew and running parallel with the angel tablet and Metatron kinda worked for Cas with his angel army and all. But this new thing, giving him Hannah as a supporting character? It's like watching a dragging romance that isn't even... romantic and viewable. (I puked in my mouth a little, and not in a Meg shipping way).

Besides giving Cas and Hannah together makes them very slow. I mean Cas and Balthazar worked, Cas and Gabriel worked, Cas and Crowley worked you can watch them and not be bored to tears, there have been episodes when these characters have worked together and you see that dynamic. Cas and Hannah? Last season Cas was like ordering Hannah about reluctantly, this season whenever they're alone together it feels like ... I dunno they just don't play off each other's strengths. Maybe it's because Hannah is a rather... slow character, and Cas is a rather brooding, stoic character, so putting them together doesn't have any... umph... and this isn't about Hannah being a woman (because I do know that any female leads in Supernatural gets shot down easily becuase of the fans). I think Anna and Cas worked well together too.

Maybe it's because Hannah is still very much the Heaven brainwashed soldier robot and Anna and the rest of the angels that I've named aren't. But still.

Well here's hoping the next episode will make it better for Cas.

But seriously, are the writers trying to kill Cas? Ugh. The non-Cas fans are probably rioting right now to get him off. Why can't team free will have one story line? Like Sam and cas looking for Dean? Cas supporting Sam with research while Sam does the leg work? This story line does not make sense at all? Right now we have four separate story lines in a season opener!! It's the worst season opening ever!

And I was like... Ok... Dean forgets his pants on purpose... And cas forgets he has no pants as well... Seriously? Hahahha.
desolate
I'm too talkative for my own good. In any case, It would have been a more truncated author's notes if I could have done one author's note per chapter but since it was a big bang, I kept writing authors notes and it kept ending up in the end notes (thus making it a bit choppy reading) and it's super long, hence "extended end notes" I just snipped some of my thoughts from here into the author's notes at the end of chapter 14, but if you're the type to be really interested on where I got references for stuff and ideas for some things this is where I placed them all.



Extended Author"s NotesCollapse )

I think that's pretty much all of it?

There's a trello board equivalent of this entire author's notes hahahaha.

Thanks for reading! Comments, criticisms welcome! Also! Please take the time to see bluesyundertone and her wonderful art for the fic! It is, after all, a deancasbigbang right? It's not just about the fics. :D
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